Bonjour!

Unsurprisingly, it's been awhile since I have updated.  It's always nice to come back after awhile and write in a space where I can call it my own -- to express my quirky observations, intriguing insights and spontaneous thoughts of the day.  No matter how infrequently I update xanga, I will always try to update at least once a year I promise!

As for general updates, it's been probably 2 months since I've been back from China (I know... shocking especially since I'm still nowhere to be found).  Studying has basically consumed my life (hence the anti-social behavior) but hopefully I will be back on the social scene by October or November-ish.  These next couple of months will definitely be a crucial determinative factor to the rest of my life. If I want to do this, might as well do it right without the excuses. 

Despite a relatively hardcore summer since being back, I've still managed to squeeze in some fun times. Like a weekend getaway to Skaneateles (one of the gorgeous fingerlakes in upstate New York).  Discoveries of hidden food treasures in NYC (i.e. italian sandwich shops + pomme frites + Pinkberry + french style chocolate cake with fresh raspberry glaze).   Not to mention a Justin Timberlake Concert @ Madison Square Garden! 

No wonder I love New York / New York City so much. But a part of me relishes the spontaneous adventures I had in Asia.  A part of me just wants more.  There's so much to learn and so much to experience... I wish I could just do the impossible and do it all...

I'm currently reading Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray and Love," which is about a woman, namely herself, after going through a nasty divorce, decides to go to Italy, India, and Indonesia for a whole year. Now what is there not to love about that? Makes me want to just go to these places myself and experience what she experiences during her travels. There is this one quote in her book that I think perfectly captures how I would describe myself:

"I'm just a slippery antevasin -- betwixt and between -- a student on the ever-shifting border near the wonderful, scary forest of the new."

That's me all right... always looking to try something new... always looking for places to explore.

at the bookworm [a bookstore-ish english cafe in beijing], but yet no more productive than i was an hour ago...

i've been looking for a quiet place to study and drink coffee near where i live in chaoyang. the 45 min subway ride + large groups of korean students chatting loudly has been discouraging me from walking through the door of sculpting in time. the bookworm is a great place but recently too crowded for my liking.  too much expats socializing and feigning intellectualism ...or at the moment, too many middle age british people and their babies walking around in the cafe, browsing through the "china book section." what can i say? sometimes i really enjoy my own quiet and alone time.

after traveling for the past 3 weeks, i realized more and more how little time i have left in beijing.  literally in about three or four months, i will be done with my grant! if you asked me a 6 months ago, i probably would have told you that 10 months is such a long time and that i would love to be back in new york as soon as i can.  now i'm not so sure.  after hearing about how much working life sucks for some of my friends, i realized how much i love freedom -- the freedom to do whatever i want, to travel and to learn and experience new things before settling down with one set career path.  the idea of staying in beijing for the olympics, backpacking through southeast asia or re-learning spanish in south america/spain excites me. sometimes i think to myself: why should i work at some dull crappy job when i have the rest of my life to work?  then of course, the reality of things is -- with what money am i going to use to support my carefree life abroad? i guess if there is a will, there is a way, but there's always that struggle within me on what i want to do and what is the practical thing to do.  dilemmas dilemmas....i'm sure 10 years from now, i'll be chuckling at these thoughts i'm having now, at the young age of 22.

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today is yuan xiao jie, marking the end of chinese new year.  i must say, in the past 2 weeks, i've never heard so many firecrackers and fireworks setting off continuously from day to night in my entire life. 

more updates about my chinese new year trip in february in my other blog [monkies-travelogue.blogspot.com] to come... stay tuned!

it's kind of hard to believe that it's been more than 2 months since i've been in beijing.  there is no place quite like beijing.  sure the air is kind of polluted sometimes (though not so much recently because of the nice autumn weather), and there are plenty of times that i thought i was going to die a tragic death being squashed by two taxis... but overall, i'm so glad that i chose to come here after graduation.  slowly but surely, in these past two months i have been incorporating structure in my life with academic classes, chinese dance/ballet/salsa classes, research, and volunteering. i know my way around beijing now well enough that taxi drivers can't rip me off anymore and have been scouting out all the best eats in the city.  the beijing expat community is also such a small community that everyone knows each other from somewhere.  heck, a lawyer i used to know from a previous internship several years ago in new york was at a meeting that i went to....how wierd is that???

i guess anything can happen in beijing.  it's a place where people from all walks of life come for a pit stop but are still in transit.   i'm glad i took time off.  it's liberating not to have to worry about working or studying for tests.  of course not everyone has the luxury to do that, but if someone has the opportunity to take a breather while still young, it would be a shame for him/her not to.  we've been trained all our lives to achieve and succeed that we forget that we aren't machines and that we would eventually burn out.  it becomes a cyclical process that we can't get out of....

that's why i tell myself that i will travel at least once a year no matter what.  traveling is my break from the doldrums of everyday life.  my life isn't too boring right now, but it makes me all giddy when my aptmates and i talk about our next trip to tibet.  

it's been a tiring week....think i will have to cut back on some stuff.... but all in all, i think it's going to be all right.  everything is going to be all right.